Lovina Zook, a 23-year-old who left one of the strictest Amish communities, explains the dating traditions of the world she grew up in. No public dates, no sex before marriage, and a ritual called “bundling” – the only form of intimacy allowed for young people.

(Staff: United States of America / Society & Traditions)

In the age of online dating and fleeting relationships, there is a community where courtship follows ancient rules. Amish youth meet at night, in secret, spend hours talking in the dark, and abstain from any sexual contact before marriage. A former member of this community, who has become a social media phenomenon, has revealed these fascinating traditions to the world.

Lovina Zook – The girl who ran away from home and conquered the internet

Lovina Hershberger Zook, 23 years old, comes from one of the most conservative Amish branches – Swartzentruber – where there is no electricity, running water or indoor plumbing. The community she grew up in was so strict that cousin marriages were common, and a girl was considered an “old maid” if she wasn’t married by 24. At 18, Lovina fled in the middle of the night, and today she has over six million followers on social media, where she shares recipes and stories from Amish life.

How does courtship work in the Amish world?

For Amish youth, public dating is forbidden. Courtship takes place exclusively at night, in secret, in the girls’ bedrooms. The process is unusual, almost ritualistic, as Lovina explains:

How does a relationship begin?

The courtship process is a collective one. A group of three or four young men arrive at a girl’s house at night. They go up to her room and ask her if she would like to go out with one of them. If the girl refuses, they try to convince her. If she accepts, the three who are not romantically involved stay in the room for about an hour, after which they leave, leaving the couple alone. Teenagers can only see each other once every two weeks, and meetings are always at night.

What is “bundling” – the ritual that replaces sex

Because sex before marriage is strictly forbidden, Amish youth practice an ancient ritual called “bundling”. Lovina describes it as a form of intimacy in which the young people, fully clothed, lie in bed, hug and “roll” together. If the conversation is good, he initiates the hug, and then a kiss on the cheek may follow, or, if he really likes her, a kiss on the lips. After this “bundling” session, the young people return to conversation, and if all goes well, he asks for a second or third rendezvous, which must take place two weeks apart. After three meetings, he can ask her if she wants to be his girlfriend.

An ancient practice with origins in Europe

Although today it is almost exclusively associated with the Amish, the practice of “bundling” was imported to America in the 17th and 18th centuries by settlers from Europe. It is even mentioned in biblical texts and was also practiced in Jewish communities. In the past, to completely discourage sexual relations, the girl’s parents could place a board (a “bundling board”) between the two young people, and the girls’ nightgowns were sewn at the collar and hem to make them harder to remove. Although the practice was condemned as early as the 19th century by some Amish pastors, it has persisted in some ultra-orthodox communities.

Marriage and family life

If a relationship goes well, the young man proposes to the girl. Weddings take place shortly after the engagement, and family life follows the strict patterns of the community, where families have an average of seven children.

Conclusion

Lovina Zook’s stories offer a rare window into a secret world, where love and courtship follow rules that seem from another era. Although she fled this community, she continues to tell millions of people the Amish story, demonstrating that, beyond technology and modernity, there are still worlds that live by ancient laws.